I like to think that I am one of your most undemanding customers. Not only have I been reasonably good all year (considering the turmoil in the property market), but I really don’t ask for much at Christmas.
You can re-allocate the cashmere V-necks, the Aqua di Parma smellies and even the swanky new MacBook Air that I covet. I’d forgo almost anything if you could deliver on just one or two of the following:
- A Sense of Humour. My family would probably tell you that I’ve never had one. But in the current property market I feel it’s now an essential. I’m not sure that anything can help me see the funny side of a Conservative Chancellor’s tax raids on property that have so far cost me at least £250k. But with your help, Santa, I can try.
- A Time Machine. I just need one little journey back to Summer 2013 when an agent promised he’d get me over £2m for our then unmodernised little terraced house…and greed got the better of me. I wasted months on offers via this agent that never went anywhere, and that’s why I’m now stuck with a modernised house that won’t sell for much more! I promise, Mr Claus, not to make the same mistake again, if you just let me go back in time and change things.
- A Crystal Ball. I don’t know about you Santa, but I don’t rate the highly paid teams of analysts and forecasters that work for the top estate agents. Their crystal balls seem just that – balls. So could I have a proper, real, working crystal ball so that I can find out whether or not to take the offer that’s currently on the table for our house. Knowing my luck, without your crystal ball, I’ll sell at a low price just before the market turns upwards.
- A Few Quid. I am feeling poorer than at any time since I was in my 20s. So a modest lottery win wouldn’t go amiss – anything with seven or, preferably, eight figures in it will do. This sudden wealth would not, I promise, ruin my life. Far from it.
It’s a short list, Santa. And although perhaps not entirely typical of the requests you receive, I think it’s all well within your gift. I certainly hope so. Especially since I’m having the fireplace reinstated just so you can drop in.